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If we live in the now, in
union with the moment,
Holy Action manifests itself.
Ilie Cioara. Life Is Eternal Newness.
I referred, yesterday, to a hike. In reading the post, one would not likely infer I had felt unwell, a number of times considering returning to the beginning prematurely, by retracing the trek backward. Indeed, only the day before, I had left a meeting in Silence, due to a feeling of strong unwellness, which had left me much weak in body. Possibly, this sense of illness was resultant of the day prior, I was uncertain. I knew getting trapped in thought would not help. I needed to remain with awareness of body, in sync with the walking, not getting distracted by the why. So, the path grounded me, and I chose to be one with the way, each step a "Yes" to this moment, right now. Yes to Yes to Yes.
The bridge I referred to, was the passage from side to side of the river. Here, I was about two-thirds through the loop, the whole of which took about seventy-five minutes. I had, a number of times prior, considered turning around, one time turning and taking one or two steps back, only to stop. Now, on the bridge, I relaxed, hydrated more, and took a couple of pictures of the stream flowing under me, on its way to the river and cove. I had committed, now, going too far to turn back. After a couple of minutes, I went on up the approaching side, looking far downward to where I had been on the prior side. I continued to the exit road, and took it, to meet the highway and walk back to the beginning, finishing the route where I had begun.
Interestingly, I stopped several times, as noted, and would open to sense the 'inner voice.' I kept following that 'voice,' and every sense was saying to keep going onward, not to go back. So, I felt I was being led, a wiser presence knowing I would be okay, saying, "It's alright, continue, don't follow your fear." And, when I did not follow the fear, which had arisen along the way at times, I would feel immediately heartened, and the unwellness would lift for a time. I found this interesting, that simply in obeying, something shifted in the body, again and again. So, all alone in the wood, and cold (upper 20s), I was not alone. I was cycling in and out of this ongoing pattern. So, the way was all of this, not merely a trail being walked ~ the way is always more than a way, the way is the whole context, seen and unseen.
* * *
Surprisingly, after crossing the bridge, this feeling of being unwell suddenly left. Also, for some reason, I had felt very cold prior, and that was usual for me, even in low temperatures. This was especially so, for I was well-layered, with no sense of a breeze. Still, this sense of coldness dissipated, as well. I cannot pinpoint a moment when the shift happened from not-well to well.
I am not here to offer an explanation for the change. No explanations as to physiological causes, divine intervention, or simply fate. I am, however, interested in another matter, that has arisen after a hiatus since of almost twenty-four hours. Before proceeding, I say, one cannot walk a way of explanations, and in walking the way, often explanations are only conventional attempts to fathom what we simply have no answer for. Better than hankering after explanation, walk, celebrate, and remain grateful for the Mystery of it all. When explanation is needed, it will be given as part of the way, not something added and distracting from the way, the Mystery.
* * *
First, recall our quote from yesterday, around which we shared on the flow of life, the unfolding of the way. Roshi Katagiri, in You've Got to Say Something, taught, "The meaning of life is just to live." He, and I, related this to nonattachment. Succinctly, trust life, go with life happening. After this, another sentence of Katagiri followed, which we did not refer to, "Zen practice is to be fully alive in each moment."
Our whole sharing is to point to this being-with-life, an intimacy with your life within the whole of Life. And, yes, your life within the flow of past, present, and future. You life is connected in time to every life, now.
So, to be alive fully, is not something you can do. This full aliveness happens to you. This is important, for we do want to turn life or being fully alive into a project, rather it is all Grace. The way, the life, is Grace. Grace means Gift. You simply are available, and life shows up, and you show up with life. You realize this, within, and this is blessing, this is joy.
* * *
the bodily sensations of unwellness
is the way, is life
there is nothing unnatural about
illness
fear
confusion
out alone, cold on a trail
all this is life happening
just as the trail is happening
look into illness or wellness, life
look into fear or fearlessness, life
look into confusion or understanding, life
alone or not-alone
cold or hot
life, life, life
the way, the way, the way
all Grace
being fully alive is not
about a particular state of body or mind
one we prefer, one of pleasure, or even a feeling of love
being fully-alive
is being fully-with-life
when you do not feel fully alive
when you do feel fully alive
still Grace
always Grace
* * *
Hence, the one thought that arose clearly, when looking back to the prior day, was relaxation. The infinitive "to relax" derives from Latin "to loosen back." This took on nuances, such as, "widen," "open," and "stretch out."
Now, the opposite of "to relax," then, is to be closed in, constricted, and tight. We feel this in the body, as stress and bodily tension. If we are aware of this constriction, we can consciously posture to open back up, welcome the tightness to soften.
So, relaxation relates to a soft approach to living, soft in the sense of in accord with life, not the stress of resisting life. This is felt in the body. Softness happens in the absence of resistance. Tightness can become ingrained, remembered, physiologically, so healing becomes oft a gradual softening over time, like a slow unwinding of a tightly-wound cord, or like the slow melting of a candle into mellow wax. Life wishes to mellow us, then aliveness arises in the softness, the intimacy of sensing and feeling the aliveness of Life Itself.
See, life cannot be against life. So, in that wood, I recall not being against life, and, possibly, that opened the shift after the bridge. I walked with life, and listened to life. I remained calm, with a calm deeper than any anxiety or confusion; calm was present, while other feelings arose and dissolved back into Life. Really, I did not remain calm, calmness was simply present, given and received, as a gift, as Grace. So, strictly, I cannot say, "I remained calm."
* * *
This reminds me of my great grandfather, Jim Wilcox. His body died when I was a small boy. I recall him years before the death, and the night I viewed a dead body for the first time. I stood beside my father, and looked in, there was a body that had lived almost one-hundred-and-one years. My father told me, years later, of the local paper interviewing Jim, when he had turned year one-hundred. They asked him what he ascribed to the longevity. Jim said, "I don't worry about anything." Jim had enjoyed life, without worrying about life. Jim had lived as a farmer, at-ease, trusting his God, fully alive.
being fully alive
we can make that choice right now, any now
we do not need
any special set of circumstances to say "Yes"
we do not have to wait
until we feel like saying "Yes" to say "Yes" ~
"Yes" is "Yes"
this "Yes" itself is life
and in saying "Yes"
we breathe and move with "Yes"
we can look into our lives
and inquire...
what here enhances life
what here welcomes aliveness
what here is in agreement with being fully alive
be honest about this
choose what really needs to be in your life
invite persons and activities
that enhance your appreciation for, love of life
and when you feel a closing down, a constriction
which you will feel through the body
relax
to relax is simply an allowing
and the more one consciously relaxes
relaxation becomes more the natural way of being
in this relaxation
body, with mind, benefits
in relaxing with life
others feel this in your presence
your posture of communion with life
invites them to enjoy being at-ease
life is always saying "Yes" to you
you can reply "Yes" to life,
now, any time, any place, Grace with Grace
*(C) Copyright 2018. Brian K. Wilcox. Photography by Brian K. Wilcox. Move cursor over photos for more details.
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